Are you feeling disconnected from yourself? Are you drifting through each day, waves of stress crashing against you, as the winds of life blow you further and further away from yourself?

Disconnection can be experienced as low energy, mental pre-occupation and poor memory recall, along with feelings of isolation and low self-esteem.

Feeling disconnected from ourselves can elicit experiences of anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, and relational dissatisfaction; among many other distressing experiences.

Utilizing the qualities below fosters a growing ability to access your own Sense of Self. This means you can increase access to more positive qualities, enhance feelings of trust in yourself, while finding acceptance for areas of growth.

These qualities are based on the Internal Family Systems concept of Core Self, and the related Self-characteristics. These are known as the 8Cs and 5Ps, due to the alliteration of the qualities starting with either C or P. These include: Compassion, creativity, connection, courage, curiosity, confidence, clarity, and calmness; along with patience, presence, perspective, playfulness, and persistence. The Core Self is innate, and these traits are intrinsic to us all. Some qualities may be over-shadowed, perhaps out of balance, or may benefit from some fine-tuning. You, however, are not inherently deficient in these characteristics. These qualities are states of being to be embraced, cultivated, & fostered. We, at Thompson Counseling and Family Therapy, believe that you are born with & can further develop these qualities. Use the material below to explore your internal strengths through qualities of the Core Self.

Here are helpful questions to contemplate as you explore this process:

• What kind of thoughts/words/behaviors/actions/practices support these qualities in myself?
• Where can I create mindful moments in my day to support accessing these qualities?
• Who would I embrace myself to be if these qualities were reflected in my every day?
• How do these qualities support who I want to be & how I want to show up in my life?

* note: These qualities are nurtured in no one particular order. Many of these characteristics are closely related and/or build upon one another. Check in with yourself and follow what feels right for your own exploration. The ordered list below reflects a gentle scaffolding of qualities that helps create a foundational approach to accessing the Sense of Self who feels more hopeful, optimistic, peaceful, loved, and loving.

Barriers to Accessing Self

• Self & othered judgment
• Isolation
• Perfectionism

* As you begin reading the list below, take a deep, slowed breath &
gently ask these barriers to step aside as you explore these other qualities. *

CURIOSITY

Exploration without judgment, assumption-making, or forcible outcomes.
A desire to learn or expand understanding.
Creating & fostering interest, wonder, & openness.

• What is happening inside of me? Body-sensations, area sensations (arm, leg, chest, neck, etc.) experience of sensation (tightness, ache, burning, soreness, etc.)
• What might these sensations be emotionally representing? What message are they trying to communicate with you?
• What is happening around me? How might my internal experiences be connected to my environmental triggers, relational dynamics, etc?
• “I wonder… I am curious about… What is happening here… What is contributing to this…?”

CONNECTION

Sense of belonging to self & with others; being a part of.
Feeling seen, heard, known, appreciated, accepted, & valued.
Cultivating one’s own sense of meaning & purpose; sometimes honoring one’s longing(s).
A sense of being in touch with one’s own wholeness.

Feelings of bonding, togetherness, safety, vulnerability. Sense of essence & depth.

• What sensations are associated with feelings of connection, belonging, & acceptance (warmth, coziness, relaxation…)
• How does your body relax into itself when you are feeling seen, heard, appreciated, accepted, valued, or loved by someone… by yourself?
• How can you create mutual connection with the people in your life?
• What is that deep longing within you? How do you generally respond to it? “Not now. We’re busy. That’s crazy, we could never…” How might you respond to it with more curiosity now?
• When you connect to that place of longing, take a deep breath, & gently ask it what it really wants.
• What does “feeling at home in myself” mean to you?

PRESENCE

A mindfulness, a slowing down, & a tuning into the current moment by engaging in/with one’s senses, body, & breath.

A sense of focus with an energy of openness, wonder, & curiosity

• Take some slow, deep, belly breaths ~ Tune into the parts of your body that are holding tension. Try to focus on welcoming relaxation and releasing tension.
• Tune into the sensation of your breath going slowly in… and slowly out…
• Engage in your physical senses: touch, sight, smell, taste, hear
• Touch: What are your fingertips touching, what are the textures; describe them to yourself. What are your toes feeling… textures, descriptions.
• Sight: What colors do you see around you? What art around you is pleasing? What do the textures that you see remind you of? What do you see around you that holds special meaning?
• Smell: What scents do you smell as you breathe in slowly through your nose? Light a candle, smell a clean shirt, or smell some flowers. What happens to your mind as you focus on these scents?
• Taste: What kind of taste are you experiencing right now? Sweet, salty, bitter, sour, minty? What kind of tastes are pleasing to you? Use a mint to engage & enhance your focus in this exercise.
• Hearing: Focus on the sounds around you and describe them to yourself. What kind of sounds feel relaxing to you? Are there sounds that overstimulate or overwhelm you? Try to decrease sounds that heighten your stress; utilize calming, rhythmic, or quiet music to facilitate this exploration.

COMPASSION

Feelings of acceptance, curiosity, non-judgment, warmth, & appreciation without attempts to fix or change.

Warmth + Acceptance + Kindness

• What does it mean for me to hold space for myself without trying to fix/ change the parts of me that I perceive as negative?
• How do curiosity and acceptance foster my capacity to hold this space for myself?
• What are curious and nonjudgmental behaviors I can adopt for myself?

CALMNESS

Embracing qualities of peace & stillness.
Nervous system regulation ~ Releasing or having reprieve from tension & worry.
Acceptance & sense of serenity despite challenging circumstances.
Capacity to regulate reactions & choose responses during stress.

Stillness ~ Peace ~ Solitude ~ Openness ~ Lack of constriction/tension

• What is calmness to you? What supports your calmness?
• What keeps you from embracing small moments of calm in your day?
• How do distraction, procrastination, busyness, or dissociation act as barriers to cultivating calmness?
• How can calmness positively support your sense of self and other parts of your life?

PATIENCE

The ability & capacity to cope with change, delays, uncertainty, or unmet outcomes/expectations with a sense of composure, acceptance, and communication.

Steadfast

• What triggers your sense of urgency?
• What reactions, attitudes, or behaviors do you engage in when acting out of impatience?
• How does cultivating calmness support your capacity for patience?
• What practices help increase your ability to act with patience?

PLAYFULNESS

Enjoyment for enjoyment sake.
Welcome & channel qualities of fun & laughter.
Helps us embrace our child-like innocence & a light-hearted attitude towards our internal dynamics.

• If I were an animal, what would I be ~ What physical movements of that animal would match my expression?
• What makes me feel silly or “like a kid again”?
• What does playfulness feel like?
• What parts of me show discomfort about play, silliness, or enjoyment?
• How can you honor your discomfort, and honor humor?

CREATIVITY

Connecting ideas, concepts, dynamics, expressions, & sensations in ways that foster deeper understanding.
Utilizing imagination, imagery, textures, colors, and other creative ideas to build understanding & foster internal dialogues/dynamics/connections.
Interesting ways to increase perspective & problem-solving.

Flow ~ Imagination ~ Internal Collaboration

• What kind of value do you find in creativity, or creative expression?
• What kind of experiences incite wonder, awe, or freedom of imagination?
• Become curious about the parts of you who awaken in experiences of wonder. How can these parts help you in other areas of your life?

PERSPECTIVE

Becoming curious about additional points of view to gain insight & highlight blind spots.
Shift in attitude towards a more open & accepting (Self) stance.
Creates & fosters understanding & compassion.

Open ~ Curious ~ Wisdom

• What are some other points of view?
• How might another part of me, or another person, think or feel about this?
• What are the smaller details to pay attention to?
• How does the situation contribute to the, or my bigger picture?

CLARITY

The ability to perceive circumstances, others, & self without distorted beliefs influencing perceptions.
Gaining clear understanding through curiosity, objectivity, & self-honesty.

Stability ~ Objectivity

• What values, beliefs, attitudes, and experiences are influencing my perspective/ perception?
• What emotional reactions or parts of me awaken when discussing this topic?
• If they are uncomfortable, what can I do to welcome the discomfort instead of reject it (the emotion, thought, self, etc)?
• How does curiosity, non-judgment, and acceptance help clarify my perceptions?

COURAGE

Strength & fortitude when exploring the unknown or uncertain; or in the face of discomfort or pain.
Embracing a willingness & humility to self-reflect & create improvements.

Persistence ~ Endurance ~ Tenacity
“Strong back, soft front.” – Brene Brown

• What makes courage important to you?
• Which of your held values helps foster your own courage?
• What other qualities help you embrace/ live into courage?
• What/who supports you in times of uncertainty & moments of deep courage?

PERSISTENCE

Quality of showing patience & endurance even with it is difficult.
Ability to hold onto one’s own value, goal, or end-state while on their journey.
Acceptance & tolerance for discomfort/ uncertainty in the process.

Grit ~ Perspective ~ Stamina

• What does internal resilience mean to you?
• How do you deal with setbacks or pressures? What positive qualities help you during these times?
• What/who helps you feel safe in the process of tolerating discomfort/uncertainty?

CONFIDENCE

The feelings that arise when you know you are capable of navigating challenge, difficulty, pain or healing.
The energy you feel when you are connected to your wholeness.

Brightness of Self ~ Honoring Own Esteem ~ Experience ~ Competence

• Notice your body language in times of feeling confidence ~ What is happening in your chest? Heart? Arms? Hips/legs?
• How are your body sensations different in times of confidence than in doubt?
• What experiences have built your confidence?
• What was it about those experiences that made you feel confident? Support? Self-understanding, knowledge, & competence? Past experience? What else?

Your Sense of Self is an innate presence within each of us. Any time you are embodying one of these traits, you are accessing your Self. These questions are meant to help you become curious about these qualities and states of being. Utilize contemplation and exploration towards small shifts in attitudes, perceptions, and behaviors. The more experiences where you embrace these qualities, the greater strength, ease, and flow you will gain in your access to your Sense of Self.

In areas you want to explore more deeply, places you get stuck, or simply have questions, we would love to help you. Please use the button at the bottom of the page to inquire for therapy. Also, take a look on the Our Team page to see which therapist would best fit you!

*This writing is not meant to replace mental health counseling, nor therapeutic services.*